i can show you....

alright I'm back. probably only for today but i feel like im going to explode because I havent talked to anyone in a couple of days. EXPLODE!!! and why that feeling? my parents have been on my ass the past week. like impossible to get rid of, explaining to me all these characteristics and mindsets and changes i should be making, how horribly dissappointed they are in me and how they hate what Ive made them become. and so much more. i sat through so many lectures and had cried so much. this is no way to spend a summer. I still havent found a fucking job and i am way beyond tired. i applied to 12938913801 places this past wednesday, and i'm pretty sure ive got to get lucky from one of them. but anyways i disabled that addictive lovely networking site, in hopes of "changing" and i know my mom made some pretty good points on how i just waste time on things like that...but i really enjoy it. so i dont think its quite "wasting" time away. anyways i disabled it thinking i would change but its only made me more bored and less connected and feeling more fucking lonely. and i'm tired of that...so tomorrow i'll probably open it back up... i dunno the most compelling argument to disable it were my mothers threats. but fuck she is so full if drama. she claims she cant trust me and hates me and all this shiet on how i've hurt her and the family and i realize I AM SELFISH. but she is just so goddamn dramatic. its really hard to take her seriously. so, anyways, ive been applying everywhere...and being nice to the kids...and basically nothing much has changed. i'm still stuck here...and im still not happy...and shes just shutup. which is nice i agree, but its one of those "im only quiet because i got all that yelling out of my system for the time being.." and now to think about it...she hasnt started her period. so all that WWIII explosion was probably just a product of PMS. and yes, if my mother ever reads this, i did draw some interesting perspective from your rants.... and yes i will try to be more RESPONSIBLE in my actions. but just saying, a 3 minute scream would have done the same amount as a 3 day scream.


THAT IS ALL BESIDES THE POINT.
its june 25...3 days from my birthday. EIGHTEEN!! goddamn i cannot wait!

i just found out though that i will be in sandiego the 28th and 29th with my family. on the beach. i am absolutely pissed off on one hand because i just found out about these plans...within the past 24 hours. wtf. i had no intention of spending the entire day with them. i wanted to leave before noon. but now, i have all birthday and EVEN the day after. as if i havent had enough "bonding time" already this summer. ugh. DEAR GOD, I NEED THAT JOB. AMEN. then i'll be out of the house and making money! anyway, on the other hand, i guess the beach is always nice. and i can continue my tan. and i pray there are cute guys begging to play volleyball with a tall wavy-haired beach babe in a bikini. and maybe some shopping wont hurt either. but i am still pissed. id rather be in fucking chino/walnut with people i know and love. but change is alright...
mixed feelings.


also, i read this really good book! it was amazing! it was pretty long...but yknow me, i love good books. plus ive been bored. so i finished it in 3 days...although if i didnt have to spend time running errands id probably have trimmed at least a day off of that. but yes the book was good and i just watched the adjustment bureau which was a trip. that guy is in so many good movies! and its really hot in my room right now.


okay. um other than the above summer is alright. i got my classes at apu and im really excited to see what the remainder of this year will bring. i've noticed that for the past like month and a half, ive been crushing on practically every boy that i find a likeable quality in. so yes, ive been boy crazy. and i'm only writing this in here because i know they'll never read this. but there are two guys in particular. one is fucking hott, and really cute, and just seeing him makes me smile, and the other, omgosh i can tell him everything and he listens, and hes cute too, but i feel so open and i feel like he just opens me up. but that is all...more deats later. LOVEYA