Follow up..

So i'm not so sure that i am so ready to change either. don't get me wrong and don't call me a hypocrite. i didn't write those things just to tell everyone off, because if you would have read it with an open mind, many of those are specifically about ME, and i know i'm in a similar position as everyone else. camii's tumblr: "I think bad habits are bad habits and I like my bad habits and people like theirs, so there’s no room for any of us to say anything." 
Which i don't think is quite fair to say either. i certainly agree with the first part, but if i see something wrong, I am going to speak up. I can't imagine not doing so; it would be cowardly just to watch someone crash and burn when all they need is some guidance or a few nice words to console them each day; and thats what most people do need. 
i wrote the last post because... someone needed to. someone needed to compile just a few of the things we've been involved in lately. i know not many of the people in our group read my stuff, and it isn't for them; it was only an observation I made. and i'm not going to lie, if some more jello shots come tomorrow i'm not going to say NO...(lol) and i know thats not right, but that's the truth. part of me clings to these things that i do and refuses to let go until i've pushed the limit and tried everything under the sun too. but like i've always seen it and as raymond reminded me last night, 


I CAN ALWAYS DO IT.whatever i want to do, it's waiting for me. i can get drugs, sex, alcohol, ANYTHING, in the blink of an eye. i am confident in that. it's so easy to get it, and i know i can always try things etc. but it takes much more self-control, self-worth, self-love, to  not try it, to wait for someone special, to drink responsibly, or anything else. like you can never be pure afterwards. you can never go back. 
i know ALOT of the things we do aren't RIGHT. but we still do them anyways, and that is what i was trying to point out. we all are responsible for our actions, and it would be certainly stupid of me to think i could change everyone in our group, and i don't want to. yes, i'm biased and hypocritical too...it is my blog of course... but i just wanted to make an observation. we are all stuck in these spiraling roller-coasters of teenage life and we are often so blinded by our excitement and need to fit in and jealousy and joy that we rarely seem to take the times to reflect upon what we ARE doing, and what we would WANT to BE doing. 
it might just be the way i was raised, but i never would have thought from the ages of 1-12 that i'd be doing so many things with guys, cigs, alcohol etc. that i'm doing now. maybe i was just too innocent then... and im not saying i am or am not now.. but iono. 
its just something to think about...